I turned over and let out a heavy sigh.
For several nights in a row, I couldn't sleep well. There were always stray dogs barking in the middle of the night. At first, there were only one or two, but today there were already groups of them, as if it had become a gathering. I felt annoyed and my mind was in chaos, as I played shadow puppets in my mind, recalling the experiences of the past month or two.
My father also woke up and helped me tuck in the blanket before getting out of bed. Not long after, a faint red light lit up in the dark room, and smoke filled the air. I felt disgusted and coughed a few times to express my complaint.
My father laughed a few times and said to me, "Just like your old man."
"When your grandfather was still alive, I was just like you."
After saying that, he put on his shoes and went to the yard to smash his beloved tobacco pipe. I couldn't fall asleep, so I sat up and looked out the window. In the faint moonlight, I saw my father squatting in the courtyard, looking like a guardian lion. Thinking of this, I couldn't help but laugh. After watching for a while, I suddenly heard rustling sounds in the yard, followed by my father's scolding, and then a rush of footsteps. I quickly put on my clothes and went out of the house to see what was happening. But my father had already returned from the yard, and when he saw me rushing out, he waved his hand and said, "It was just a thief, and he has already been scared away."
"Go back to sleep!"
Perhaps because of my father's reprimand, the stray dogs were also deterred, and I had a peaceful sleep that night, sleeping until the sun rose the next day. After getting up, my father called me to go with him to buy some miscellaneous items. When we arrived at the street, we saw a crowd of people surrounding someone, and we could still hear a woman crying. My father and I approached and asked one of the people about the reason. The person glanced at my father and me:
"Do you know about the banquet held by the Bao family's young master some time ago? This woman is the birth mother of that girl. It was originally intended for her to be adopted and given a way out."
The person paused and, seeing that no one was looking at him, continued, "But the third young master directly took her as a concubine and mistreated her. When the two of them went to the mansion to demand justice, the man was killed, and they still haven't found his whereabouts. The woman later went to report to the officials, but was also expelled. Now, she's here crying for justice."
"A pitiful family. But who would have thought that the young master of the Bao family could do such a thing. They were all outstanding people, envied for generations..."
I secretly looked through the crowd and saw a shocking scene: the woman sitting on the ground, crying in a pitiful voice that made people tremble. Her hair was covered in dust, her clothes seemed to have been torn, and her dry hands were clutching a piece of white cloth stained with bloodstains. People just watched, no one approached.
I couldn't bear it and tugged at my father's sleeve. My father looked at me and shook his head gently.
"The Bao family's affairs, even the officials dare not intervene."
"If you want to blame someone, blame that woman. If it weren't for her, this wouldn't have happened."
After saying that, he pulled me away quickly. I turned my head and took a look at the miserable woman. She looked like a living dead, with only her continuous cries proving that she was still alive.
I didn't resent my father. I had long been accustomed to his indifference.
After buying all the necessary items, my father took me to the pharmacy. He took out a crumpled piece of paper from his sleeve and handed it over. The shopkeeper looked at it carefully for a while and said loudly, "This is the handwriting of that old doctor. Do you know that he killed someone with his treatment?"
"You have to be careful when taking the medicine he prescribes!"
My father looked a bit embarrassed, snatched the prescription back, and said, "As long as he prescribes it for me, there's no need for more words."
"This prescription should be able to treat lung disease, so it should be able to treat coughing."
"Your old man is getting old, he can't even smoke anymore." My father laughed self-deprecatingly.
I knew that my father understood it well, and it was not just because of excessive smoking. But I didn't have any emotional fluctuations because of it. Since stepping on the boat to Huan Town, the fate of our family had already been judged. The boatman's son had already passed away, and the ending for our family was very clear, only a matter of time. But I just hoped for it to come sooner, so I could suffer less pain.
Back home, my father started a fire to boil the medicine. The smell of the herbs was not pleasant, with a faint stench. Perhaps because the smell of the herbs was so strong, the stray dogs outside also stopped barking when night fell. Although there was no more annoyance from the stray dogs, my father's waking up at night became more frequent, and his cough became more severe. So for several days in a row, I still couldn't sleep peacefully. I couldn't bear it anymore and asked my mother to take me to my grandmother's house for a few days. My mother understood my difficulties and agreed. Before leaving, my mother prepared some herbs to boil and drink at my grandmother's house. I hated the taste of the medicine, but the thought of having a peaceful sleep made me accept it.
As I expected, far away from the barking and coughing, my mood became much better, and the foul smell of the herbs seemed to disappear. One day, someone came to visit, looking anxious. My mother went to greet the guest, and before they could say a few words, my mother sat on the chair in a daze. My grandmother asked what the matter was with the visitor, and only then did she know that something had happened in our family: last night, there were thieves near our house, and my father heard someone calling for help, so he went to help. Usually, thieves are after money, but for some reason, that thief decided to kill my father...
"Your husband was tall and strong, but how could he lose the ability to fight against a thief?" My grandmother sighed and hugged my weeping mother tightly.
But I knew it well.
Fortunately, my father had good relationships with many people in the same county, and many people came to help with the funeral arrangements, even the Bao family members came. So the funeral was considered complete, but the person who called for help that night didn't show up until the burial.
"Your father was obedient all his life, and finally, when he was brave, who would have thought that he would lose his life."
"He may not have done many good things, but he wasn't a bad person. How could heaven let him end up like this."
My mother sobbed.
After my father passed away, I took over some of his responsibilities. I took the crumpled prescription and brewed the medicine for my mother and myself to drink. Occasionally, when passing by the place where I saw that woman before, everything had returned to normal. Perhaps having lost hope, she no longer struggled. After all, as my father said, the officials wouldn't dare to touch the Bao family's affairs, let alone a powerless commoner. But what surprised me was that the medicine I brewed this time seemed to be of good quality and didn't emit a foul smell, which made me feel relieved. However, as soon as it was late at night, the stray dogs started their joyful gathering again.
After a day or two, I smelled the foul smell of the herbs again, and the stray dogs silently stopped barking.
This prolonged and terrible illness finally disappeared. Fortunately, my mother and I were safe. For a living, my mother took me away from Chixian. She first remarried a burly blacksmith who was addicted to alcohol and often beat my mother, but my mother always endured it until one day he held a burning hot iron against my back, and my mother decided to leave with me.
Later, my mother remarried a schoolteacher. My impression of him was not bad, but he often touched me inappropriately and wanted me to sleep with him. Although it was not inappropriate for a father and son to sleep together, I still found it annoying. So I quietly told my mother about it. After a quarrel, my mother decided to leave him.
After that, my mother didn't remarry again and raised me alone. I grew up to be over twenty years old, and my mother passed away due to overwork, following my father. At that time, I had the ability to support myself, so I thought about my childhood experiences and became an apprentice at a medical clinic. But I never smelled the foul smell of the herbs again.
But I was no longer the same as my childhood self, becoming numb to the world's life, death, good, and evil. I used to resent my father's weakness and thought he was heartless and indifferent. I wanted to rebel, to break free, to escape the shackles. But after experiencing the coldness of the world, I couldn't resist its assimilation. My father was right, after all, I was his son.
In the next life, I will repeat the past. That is enough to console myself.
All things go through cycles, life and death are indescribable
The cries of sentient beings are miserable, black and white are always impermanent
Good people suffer bitter fruits, evil people meet good endings
Portraying a painted face to the world, eventually becoming scattered clouds
(Note: This translation may not capture the full literary and cultural nuances of the original text.)