People have a thousand faces
And souls are all different
The day I was born happened to be a bone-chilling winter day, when everything was desolate and all I could see were scenes of ruin. The withered trees drooped sadly, their branches torn apart by the fierce wind, completely devoid of their former strength and vitality. The wild grass, needless to say, had already accepted their cruel fate of withering away in this season of despair.
A loud cry broke the silence in the house, and whether it was my father, mother, or the midwife who delivered me, they all breathed a sigh of relief. My father tilted his head slightly, walked out of the inner room, and lit a cigarette, something he rarely did before. In his simple and traditional mindset, continuing the family line was one of the ultimate goals in life, and he had already achieved that goal early on, naturally feeling proud.
After that, the customary feast for guests and congratulations from neighbors began. Among the guests, there was an old man sitting upright, around eighty years old, with white hair and dressed in a black robe. His eyes were tightly closed, one hand gripping a dragon-headed cane, and the other playing with a sparkling jade ruyi. In the festive atmosphere, this old man seemed out of place. My father was quite puzzled, as he had never seen this person before, so he politely approached and asked:
"Sir, which family do you belong to..."
"Your child has been cursed, and will eventually bring about your downfall," the old man waved his hand, interrupting my father.
My father became furious and was about to reprimand this unwelcome guest, but before he could speak, the old man's voice rang out again:
"What I have said will be revealed in due time, and we will meet again." With that, he stood up and left.
Even though my father was usually mild-mannered, he found it difficult to remain calm at this moment. He picked up a tea bowl from the table and smashed it on the ground, creating a loud noise that caught everyone's attention.
"On such an auspicious day, what are you..." a middle-aged man approached and asked.
"You insolent man, how dare you humiliate me like this, spouting nonsense without any sense of propriety!"
"But... there was only you here just now, we didn't see any old man, you..."
For a moment, my father was stunned, and the middle-aged man didn't seem like he was trying to deceive him. The several neighbors sitting around also looked puzzled. But my father had clearly heard the old man say extremely arrogant words. For a moment, reality and illusion seemed to overlap, and my father couldn't distinguish between truth and falsehood. And what made it even more mysterious was that, since that day, my fate began to take a turn for the worse. I contracted a lung disease shortly after birth, and it couldn't be cured. This made me physically weak, unlike other young people who were strong and vigorous. My father gradually grew disgusted with me and called me a "lung disease ghost" and a "burden". I became rebellious and started to go against conventional values, embracing things that were despised by the so-called righteous path. Under these circumstances, I seemed to be burdened with a curse, like a prisoner with a dark face, and everyone avoided me. But I didn't care about any of this, as I had my own philosophy of living. Since everyone saw me as an outsider, I lived recklessly.
When I was around seventeen or eighteen years old, I met a woman of the world, which started from a fierce argument between my father and me. I had just finished my studies at school and was preparing to take the examination organized by the new government, but my father had already arranged a marriage for me. I refused, firstly because I strongly opposed arranged marriages; secondly, I knew very well that most of the married women were only fourteen or fifteen years old, which I absolutely couldn't accept; and thirdly, I had no interest in women. Even when I heard others talk about the pleasures of the bed, I felt uncomfortable. But of course, I wouldn't confess these secrets. To avoid it, I came up with a risky but permanent plan: go to the brothel in the county, pick any madam, and then falsely claim that I had no money and ask her to take me home to get it. With my father's conservative character, knowing that I had done such a thing, he would definitely not arrange a marriage for me anymore. Although my reputation would be damaged, it was still better than being forced into a difficult situation. I made up my mind and waited for a day when my father was away, then I went to the county.
The scenery in the county was completely different from the village, with shops and houses that were more eye-catching. But I didn't have time to appreciate it, as I was only focused on my plan. I found a red door with colorful embroidered balls, a storefront that was undoubtedly a brothel. With my head held high, I walked in confidently, like an experienced person.
As expected, as soon as I entered, the madam approached me. Seeing that I was not dressed extravagantly and even had a young face, a look of disdain flashed in the madam's eyes, but she quickly put on a smile:
"Young master, what kind of excitement are you looking for here today? Let me introduce you to something good."
"Cough... what do you have here?" I pretended to be calm.
"From the looks of it, young master must be a first-timer. Let Ruyi serve you, she may be young but her body is perfect. And she also knows music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, guaranteed to satisfy you, young master."
In this line of work, it was necessary to use an alias, both for the convenience of the madam's management and to maintain the dignity of these women. I knew a little about this.
"Since that's the case, then Ruyi it is."
"But, the price is not cheap." The madam looked hesitant.
"Don't worry, I won't owe you anything." I replied generously, pretending to point to the location of my pocket.
Upon hearing this, the madam felt relieved and took my hand with a smile, leading me upstairs.
After she brought me into a room on the second floor, the madam gave me a meaningful smile and then closed the door behind her. The room was dimly lit, despite a few candles. I felt a bit uneasy as I sat down at the table, pouring myself a glass of water.
"Young master, are you not interested in me? Why are you just drinking water by yourself?" A seductive voice came from behind the screen.
"To be honest, I have no money at all. I came here to find an excuse to deal with my family. Later, you can call the madam in and say that I want to back out, and she can take me home to get the money. Don't worry, you won't lose a single penny." I explained.
"Since you won't lose a single penny, why not have some fun, unless you're not capable in that aspect?"
"I'm just not interested in women."
"There's no cat that doesn't steal fish in this world," Ruyi emerged from behind the screen. She was wearing a loose robe that covered her jade-like body, with a red rope tied around her waist, and her dark hair was pinned up with a golden hairpin. She placed her hand on my chest and slowly turned around:
"Young master, you have quite the talent for making up stories to amuse me."
I pushed her hand away, stood up, and said seriously:
"I'm not lying to you. If you don't believe me, then don't."
Ruyi fell silent for a moment, then chuckled,
"Young master, don't be angry. I will compensate you."
I didn't respond, and the room fell silent.
"Young master, what were you trying to deal with at home earlier?" Ruyi suddenly asked. Hearing this, I told her about my experience, and to my surprise, she listened attentively without any pretense. After I finished speaking, Ruyi sighed and said slowly:
"If only I had the courage to resist like you did, perhaps my fate wouldn't be as tragic as it is now."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I was the daughter of a poor tenant farmer. My parents sold me to a blacksmith's family when I was thirteen, in order to support my younger brother. I suffered a lot of torment there." Ruyi turned away from me and unbuttoned her top.
"I have already said that I have no interest in a woman's body, why..." I was about to say, but I was stunned by the sight before me. The scars on her back were like branding irons, with cotton thread barely holding the two pieces of rotten flesh together, oozing crimson blood. I couldn't imagine such a horrifying body beneath Ruyi's beautiful appearance.
"After that, he grew tired of me and sold me to a local gentry." Ruyi put her clothes back on, and I saw a gentler look in her eyes. "He treated me with great affection, even more than my own father. He provided me with education, taught me to play the piano, write poetry, and took me to seek medical advice. He didn't mind my past at all, and even said he would take me to Shanghai when I grew up..." Her eyes lost their luster as she continued, "But later, he was killed by a group of bandits who took all his possessions. I managed to escape, but with nowhere to go, I ended up in this brothel, living a dirty life by selling my body."
I didn't know how to respond, so I gently patted her shoulder and comforted her:
"Life is unpredictable, since it has come to this, just strive to live."
"I have encountered countless despicable and lowly men, but in order to survive, I had to greet them with a smile. They would tie me up with hemp ropes and whip me with a horsewhip. Or they would strip me naked and force me to crawl on the ground."
I was initially surprised, but then filled with righteous indignation, feeling an uncontrollable anger in my chest.
"But whenever I thought of their faces, I felt nauseous and my whole body stiffened. They would become dissatisfied and treat me even more brutally. Eventually, I started fantasizing about the face of that gentry in my mind, just to barely control my discomfort. It caused me immense pain, but I couldn't free myself from it." Ruyi covered her face and cried, her sorrow and grief overwhelming, touching the hearts of those who heard it.
"That gentry must have missed you. If there is an afterlife, his spirit will surely bless you for the rest of your life." I sighed deeply and comforted her in a soft voice. My slight disgust towards her had now turned into sympathy.
"You and the people I met before are different, which is why I feel a sense of empathy. I apologize if it's presumptuous, please don't mind." Ruyi had regained some composure and trembled as she spoke.
"That gentry didn't leave you any inheritance before he was killed?"
"It happened suddenly, he didn't have time to think about it. But on the day I entered his house, he gave me a jade ruyi." She reached into a cabinet and took out a ruyi, handing it to me to see.
"He said this ruyi resembled me very much, so I have been using this name ever since."
"It doesn't resemble you at all, perhaps..." I realized my own recklessness and quickly closed my mouth, placing the jade ruyi on the table. In the reflection of the candlelight, the shadow of the jade ruyi was cast on the wall, resembling a person lying on a bed, arching their body.
"If you don't mind, why not come home with me and say that we have had an affair, resulting in you becoming pregnant. My father, for the sake of his reputation, might be willing to buy your freedom, and as for the madam, if the price is right, she will agree. Once we're back home, we can be married in name only, without being husband and wife in reality. My worries can be resolved, and you can escape from this miserable life. What do you think?"
Ruyi was stunned for a moment, then said, "Young master, please don't make fun of me. Our lives are completely different, there's no need for you to pity me. I won't help you deceive others, so please leave." She reached into the cabinet and took out a few silver coins, handing them to me, before returning behind the screen. I felt a mixture of emotions and didn't know how to respond. With my head hung low, I walked heavily down the stairs.
...
From then on, I no longer entertained the absurd plan I had before. And somehow, my father suddenly stopped caring about my marriage, but instead became close with a group of strangely dressed individuals. Sometimes, when they whispered among themselves and saw me enter the house, they would fall silent, afraid that I might overhear something, which puzzled me. But with my worries no longer occupying my mind, I felt a sense of relief and freedom from my father's control and mistreatment. After another argument between us, I smashed my father's tobacco pipe to pieces and shouted:
"Everything I have is thanks to you, how can you still be so shameless."
My father looked at me, trembling, his lips moving, and squeezed out a sentence through his teeth:
"As expected, as expected..."
...
I woke up from my dream, realizing that someone had covered my head with a burlap sack, forcefully pulled me out of the house, and brought me somewhere.
"Kneel!" my father's voice rang out.
I regained my vision and saw the surroundings clearly, it was the ancestral hall of our clan. My father, dressed in a black robe, leaned on his dragon-headed cane, sitting upright in the center, while the strange individuals I had seen before stood beside him.
My father stood up, lit incense for the ancestral tablets, and bowed a few times:
"Ancestors, our family has fallen on hard times, with a cursed demon possessing my son, causing him to be at odds with the fate of our clan. Today, I will carry out justice on behalf of the heavens, burning this evil demon in front of our ancestors to appease their spirits."
"Take action," my father said to the people beside him, while taking out a jade ruyi from his pocket and slowly caressing it.
My eyes widened, as if blood was about to drip out. I shouted in anger:
"You old bastard, where did you get that ruyi? Aren't you afraid of retribution? Aren't you afraid of a miserable death?"
"How do you know!" My father was taken aback, and quickly ordered the people around him to throw me into the fire.
...
I looked down at my burning self below, shaking my head and muttering to myself:
"It seems I am still powerless to change my fate."
"Enough, let's start over."
I stopped thinking and my soul slowly dissipated into the heavens and earth, leaving no trace of ever having existed.
In the distance, a loud cry pierced through the silence of the midnight.